Trouble in Paradise
by siegreyu
Summary: Sora gets a call from his friend Thomas Magnum, but things don't turn out the way you might expect.


It was a normal dayon Destinay Island and everything was good. With the help of my friends I had just defeeted the evil bad guy Xemnas, who was Ansem but is now dead. I was hanging out with a girl who I liked whos name is Kaiir and I like her. I felt like she liekd me too so I whisperd in her er "I like you and she whisperd back I like you too Sora" and that is me because my name is Sora. So then she grabed my hand and dragged me off to the powpow fruit trees. I didn't know what she was thinking, but she kissed me on the mouth and the next thing you know we were doing sex stuff. We must have been making a lot of noise because Riku heard us and this made him upset because he liked Kairir a lot. And then all of a sudden a phone started ringing so I answered it. "Hello. This is Magnum pie and I need your help." It was my old friend Magnum PI and we were good friends. We fought in Vietnam together and have been really good friends ever since. 'I'll be right there." I got on my gummi shipand flew over.

Long time no see old friend" I said to my old friend Magnum. He looked at me and smiled. "lets get to work." He told me all about the case he was working on. The king of Hawai's daughter had gone missing andMagnum was asked to search for her. I knew I could find her alone but I asked him if any of the guys were helping out. He told me Rick and TC were, and Mac was as well but he got blowed up by a car bomb, and that made me mad. "WHOEVER DID THIS WILL PAY DEARLY?"

Rick asked aorund the club and found out that someone had seen her near a big manstion near the top of the hill. So TC took us in his helicoper there. But he mustve scene us comeing because he shot at us. The next thing I knew, the helicopter was going down. Which made me have a flashback of something that happened in Vietnam. We were flying in a helicopter and we got shot down and we crashed. But we survived. But we got captured by a guy named Ivan and he tortured us a whole bunch. Only he looked different in my flashback. And then I realized it wasn't a flashback, IT WAS HIM. Only not really because he was a Nobody now and his name was Xivan.

"Why hello again my friends. Glad to see you survived. I see you managed to avoid my bomb."

"SO IT WAS YOU WHO BLUE UP MAC! I Will get you for this!"

"No you won't. You can't. I know you, Sora. I had you for three months at Doc Hue. I know you better than your mother. Your sense of... honor and fair play. Oh, you could kill me - if I was armed and coming after you. But like this - Sora... never. Goodbye, Sora. Do svidaniya."

"Oh yeah! Well I have one question for you Xivan! Did you see the sunrise this morning?" Suddenly, my keyblade trnasformed before my very eyes into a gunblade. I looked him dead in the eyes and I shot him and he died. I said to TC and Magnum "Let's go save the King's daughter." And we did.

When we got back the King was super happy to have his daughter back and he gave Magnum $1,000,000,000,000,000. He tried to give him some but I said no thanks because I have something at home that money can't buy and that is love. But before I went home, I decided to visit Mac in the Hospital.

I asked the doctor if we going to be ok but the docotr had bad news. He said that Mac had a lot of burns and that because of them he was going to die. And since he had so many, there was nothing that could be done about it.

"Move out of the way Doc. I got just what the doctor ordered. BLIZZARD!" And with that, a giant ball of ice shot out of my keybalde and it covered Mac. He was completely incased in ice, but in a couple of seconds it all melted off. And when it did, all of Mac's burns were gone and he was completely recovered. The doctor couldnt believe his eyes and he just stared at me with his mouth open. I told him it was no big deal and with that we all left the hospital, and then we had a week long party to celebrate how well everything went. But then the week ended and I got on mygummi ship to go back home to be with Kairi.

I arrived home to find Kairi packing her bags. One look was all I needed and I knew why. Her silence spoke volumes. With tears welling in my eyes I could only muster but one word, "WHY?!" "Why? Why?! You want to know why? I think it should be painfully clear. You don't give two shits about me. As soon as the word 'adventure' pops up, you fly out of here with the first word to any of your loved ones. I'm nothing to you pillow, or a blanket, something to keep your comfortable at home, but the second you walk out that door, you forget all about me and everyone else. You know, I ran into your mother to day. She asked me if I'd been to your grave recently. She thinks you've been dead since the heartless attacked those many years ago. You seriously haven't talked to her since? Really? Who does that? An immature boy, that's who, and I need a man. Someone who cares about me, someone who will take care of me. Plus, everyone knows you'd rather be with Riku anyway. I've seen the way you look at him. Everyone knows it, there is no use lying about it. So if you'll excuse me, my new prince is here." Just at that moment, the door swung open to reveal the hirsute visage of the man I had called my friend: Thomas Magnum.

"Him?"

"Yes him! Magnum is a real man. He's got a car, he's got a mansion, he's got a job, and he's got something you'll never have: A mustache. Goodbye Sora. Maybe when we see each other again you won't be a boy anymore." And with that, she stepped into his car and out of my life.

Days passed in a blur, my life was grey and meaningless. My existence consisted of waking up each morning and thinking about how utterly pointless everything was. What was the point of saving the universe if my world was now crumbling beneath me. Nothing made sense anymore. Countless friends dropped by, but I was oblivious and immune to their condolences and consolations. They did their best, but it wasn't enough to save me from my all-consuming darkness. But one day, just when I thought all hope was lost, a stranger came to visit.

"Hello, sir, my name is Jonathan Quayle Higgins III. I have a package for you. It appears some of your stuff got mixed in with Madam Kairi's in her frantic packing."

"So you must be one of Magnum's friends."

"Not really. I manage the estate where he is currently residing, but I wouldn't call us friends."

I grabbed the box from his hand and looked inside. I don't know what I was expecting, bu the contents certainly weren't it, just a few shirts and miscellaneous odds and ends. Nothing special. Further let down by this event, I responded with a half hearted thanks and reached to close the door, but the man stopped me. "I apologize, I hope it's not to much to ask if I could have a glass of water before I leave. The flight over here has left me feeling quite parched and I would very much like to ameliorate this situation." I grumbled slightly and waved him over to the kitchen.

"Help yourself." With an audible groan, I plopped back down on the couch."

He walked silently to the cupboard, grabbed himself a glass, and poured himself a drink in the most efficient and delicate manner. He drained his glass without a sound, washed the glass and headed back for the door. "Thank you very much for the drink, now I will be taking my leave."

Desperate, or perhaps curious, I had to know what was going on outside of my pit of depression. "Wait! Before you go, I want you to tell me how they're doing. . .i f you don't mind."

"Unfortunately, and much to my chagrin, they are dong quite nicely."

"Oh?" I gave him an inquisitive look that told him I wanted to know more. I gestured to a nearby chair. "Do go on."

"Well you see. . ." and with that, he went on a 30 minute tyraid of every little detail, every little thing that Kairi did that drove him up the wall. Perhaps out of insanity, or maybe because I had run out of sad, I couldn't help but laugh. Eery little pet peeve he recounted struck a chord as I suddenly realized how much it bothered me as well. The pristine image of her that I had built in my head started to crumble bit by bit as I realized she wasn't perfect after all. Next thing I knew he was regaling me with all sorts of stories from his days in the wars. Morning quickly turned into evening as we were chatting over nothing will dining on steaks that he had spent the last hour preparing.

"You know Higgins, I've never met anyone quite like you. So noble, so mature, so rugged and manly."

"Oh, you're just saying that. I merely did as any man in my station would have. I would hardly call myself noble."

"Sure you are. To put up with those two's shenanigans day after day requires a great amount of resolve and discipline. I can't think of a single person who could do what you do. You're something special, you know that?"

"I would hardly say th-"

"Shhhh. No more talking. I placed my finger gently on his lips as we locked eyes. I peered deep into his rich brown pools and saw a beauty I had never seen before, and couldn't help but smile. Soon, his mustachioed face was smiling as well as he seemingly read his mind. I bolted upright, as did he, I knocked over the table that stood in our way, pristine delicate china and succulent seared steak crashed to the floor. With in a moment I had my arms wrapped around him, one hand caressing his silken brown hair, the other placed firmly on his perfect butt. As our lips interlocked I could feel his mustache brush against my nose. It tickled. We made out with a passion with which I had never before known was possible, and inch by inch, we clumsily made our way to the living room where we ultimately flopped down on the couch, his muscular form pinned beneath mine. He slowly and sensually lifted my shirt off my body, and I responded by unbuttoning his shirt. I yanked his pants of lightning speed, and he removed mine in one motion with a special technique he'd learned. Before we both knew it, we were completely nude, his hairy chest glistening with sweat, mine completely hairless and muscled, we could help but caress each other. "Are you ready for this?"I asked, my eyes burning with lust. He responded with a nod and a grin.

And then we did sex stuff.


End file.
